ixiebash - Random Quotes

#20(0) [+][-]
I've never understood this stuff:

"A dog moving at 40mph hits your windscreen with the force of an elephant".

But an elephant just standing there minding its own business doesn't hit your windscreen, so what elephant speed are they assuming?

#65(-2) [+][-]
I'm going to get some pictures off a website and set myself up as a virtual
girlfriend. I can spend two weeks sending out saucy pictures of someone else
and sending dirty SMS messages for 30-50quid a punter! :-)

In cyberspace noone knows that the pretty blonde, sexual adventurous 16 year
old bisexual, virgin babe is a 36 year hairy fat bastard from Yorkshire! :-)

#28(23) [+][-]
mike@tauzero.co.uk said:
>In which case, it may be that the skirt was being forced
>against the wall, giving more of a clatter than a slap.
>
>What sort of small end lubrication is there? Is it splash fed, or is
>there a channel up the conrod from the bigend?

And Mike wins the January award for the most innuendo in a Serious Bike
Posting.

rgds, 'selective editing' Alan

#63(9) [+][-]
> Adam:
> > > Do you need another bike for the return leg?
> mlh:
> > Never go back
>
> Never explain.
>
> Never apologise.

Never eat cornflakes with boiled lager, even for a dare

#86(-4) [+][-]
>I must say that for such a badly implemented site, made by such a shite
>> company its quite clear on its Cookie policy...however it is still too
>> hidden...

Yeah, hiding the link right there on the homepage is devious indeed.
You'll be pleased to hear that I am recommending a new policy to them:
that someone come round to your place and physically insert the cookie
policy where you can't possibly miss it.

#68(14) [+][-]
[23:57] when tiffany rejects me again this weekend, i can come home to whack it

#21(8) [+][-]
Andy G said:
> > heated butt-plug

This Years Must Have Winter Accessory.

Forget your heated vests for keeping your body core warm, go straight to the
source with our new Heated Butt-Plug. Sleek computer aided design for easy
insertion, specially designed t-bar end to prevent accidental loss. Comes
with branded lubrication and handy 12V connector jack so you can connect it
straight to your bike or cars electrical system.

Comes with it's own discreet storage case in a range of modern colours. Gets
your body core warm quickly and keeps it there leaving you to concentrate on
the road!

Available in vibrating or none vibrating.

#62(0) [+][-]
Paul said:
Does anyone else get the impression Andy spends the weekends wandering around wearing a sandwich board with "The End is Nigh" written on it ;-)

Andy sed:

I reckon it has 'The End is Nigh' on the front and 'Fuck you Jack, I'm alright' on the back. :-)

#59(7) [+][-]
[23:34] You won't catch me mainlining Marmite I can fscking tell you

#81(6) [+][-]
Ooooh Kate in a Heidi outfit. I think I'd better have a cold shower NOW!

#56(-5) [+][-]
Hmm, I've sat in front of my PC arsing about like a sad loser and achieved nothing ....
[19:30] Yebbut you have a life outside [...] with proper burd and everything. I've got nothing to look forward to this evening [...]

#61(-2) [+][-]

When you are getting ready to exchange bikes with someone and are preparing your bike for them, don't spend three hours trying to get rid of the clunking from the brand new head bearings, including removing the front forks to check that the races are seated properly, until you've remembered that you have fully floating PFM brake discs that *always* make a clunking sound when the brake is applied and the bike rocked backwards and forwards.

#83(6) [+][-]
[23:10] <M_O> you people have got too many bikes
[23:10] <M_O> make me jealous
[...]
[23:11] <<ncmreynolds> Hey, you've got a bird

#93(11) [+][-]
John Greystrong wrote:
>> >> and it's only now that I'm having enough 'disposable'
>> >> income left in my account that the offset would count for much.
> > Not for much longer Alfa boy ;-)

#67(9) [+][-]
[20:42:49] hello
[20:43:31] hello
[20:44:37] hello
[20:46:18] hello
[20:47:48] hello
[20:48:13] hello
[20:48:43] hello
[20:48:47] hello
[20:48:49] Hello
[20:49:14] hello
[20:49:15]
[20:49:15]
[20:49:38] you broke it! you put two empty lines in!
[20:49:48] life's like that
[20:49:57] empty lines
[20:50:01]
[20:50:08] I put in a capital letter but I think I got away with it.

#38(13) [+][-]
Lee said:
> Imagine sitting in an old, overstuffed armchair, perched atop a pogo
> stick bouncing madly around in a bowl of custard - yep that just about
> sums it up ;o)

Old people have such weird sex lives...

Andy

#170(6) [+][-]
From: Paul_P
>> In the list I posted off ebay there was a 412 with a Banham drop top
>> conversion for under 15K. That might be fun.
> A 1980s Italian supercar with an aftermarket softop?
>
> It wouldn't even keep you dry whilst you waited for the RAC.

#50(13) [+][-]
nothing gets your blood flowing like getting shot
(from Ixienet)

#45(14) [+][-]
Orb and I are the Laurel and Hardy of chubby chasing perversion

#31(3) [+][-]
Riding into work this morning I noticed a rabbit in the road in front of me,
remembering ixion advice I headed straight for it.... and ran it over.

IIRC the advice to aim for small mammals in the road is based on the
assumption that the animal will run off in one direction so swerving will
give a 50% chance of hitting it whereas aiming for it will mean you miss it
(IYSWIM).

This advice needs to be modified.... it doesn't hold true if the animal is
already dead.

#85(2) [+][-]
> > the view I was reminded that (despite Surrey) this really is a
> > remarkably attractive Country we live in.

#41(10) [+][-]
Looks Like I might well be getting a Karcher pressure washer for xmas
splendid
THE GPS looks like a non starter atm
They're great, but not cheap
I'd need to get it fitted to the bike as well which I'm sure would be more expense
Yes
that's an idea
fit the karcher to the bike
for the purpose of diciplining errant car drivers
er, by washing their cars on the move
hmm
maybe not
If you suggest it to ORB he might look into it
:-)
Ixies stop for a cig break and Orb washes his bike

#39(10) [+][-]
> Eeeew. How in the hell did you get Orb inside >your head?

Someone told him there was a fat burd in white stilettos inside?

#94(6) [+][-]
Pugh: Yes, you apply two fingertips and spread.
M: Useful advice for life there...

In response to a question about zoom on the iPhone.