ixiebash - Random Quotes

#39(10) [+][-]
> Eeeew. How in the hell did you get Orb inside >your head?

Someone told him there was a fat burd in white stilettos inside?

#44(14) [+][-]
Orb: actually - as I'm sure you know - being rimmed is a rather nice experience

Paul Coyne: Never tried it. suspect it tickles lots

#55(8) [+][-]
[2004-02-24 19:28] Yebbut you have a life outside that Adam (assuming this is Adam I'm speaking to) with proper burd and everything. I've got nothing to look forward to this evening apart from some TV.

#33(6) [+][-]
3 thirty something wimmin, on vodka, having an impromptu pissup,discussing how all the worlds problems are my fault...

#60(0) [+][-]
IainL: Cool. Fong *is* a doctor, I had to get up at 2am last night for a piss, so you can examine my prostate before you get to pick up the TRX bits.
We can do it in the garage
PaulC: euwwww
Fong: i'm sure we'll both relish th esxperi nce
PaulC: Aren't you supposed to be giving him the exhaust?
IainL: he'll be looking up that to examine said gland
Fong: no needd to look
IainL: Yes there is! I'm not having a bloody not yet qualified doctor poking their finger up my arse in a garage! You can shove the exhaust pipe up and have a look!

#69(7) [+][-]
[00:03] ohhhh... to be one big cnut....
[00:03] I'd never stop masturbating

#82(-3) [+][-]
Oh, Stuart's winky is the right way up...

#75(10) [+][-]
We stopped short of flashing the riders to ...errr...keep up their 'spirits' as
it would be a bit embarrassing if they
'came off' as a result.

#19(9) [+][-]
Jazz: Musical Wanking. :-)

#26(6) [+][-]
[21:04] i am a monitor pixie
[21:05] he pastes all the little letters on the screen from the iside, very quickly

#87(-5) [+][-]
Hello, Im lying in bed trying to play with myself
BUT it doesnt seem to flipping work. So erm help

#92(-5) [+][-]
Do you like dancing?
COS I LIKE GOOOLLLDDD, POTS AND POTS OF IT!

#49(7) [+][-]
[21:26] Ding Dong! Satan calling!
[21:27] I've got sore fingers, from learning chords
[21:29] fuckers, there's no one else here, is there?
[21:30] good, well I'll just mumble to myself then
[21:30] in Scotch
[21:31] in fact, I'll pretend there's two of me, and I'll have a converstion
[21:31] Awright neebs?
[21:32] Aye, no bad
[21:32] Sare fingers
[21:32] Aye
[21:32] How's yersel?
[21:32] No bad
[21:33] S'nae fun, jawin tae yersel, is it?
[21:34] shut yer pus
[21:34] ur you fuckin talkin tae me?
[21:34] Aye!
[21:35] ya cunt, you're fuckin claimed, ya bam!
[21:36] ye widnae daur lay a haund oan me, ya hoory basturt
[21:37] aye ah fucken wid!
[21:37] goan then!
[21:39] cheerio

#59(7) [+][-]
[23:34] You won't catch me mainlining Marmite I can fscking tell you

#43(12) [+][-]
My knowledge of these things is a bit sketchy - I know how to fiddle with my own bits, but other people's are something of a mystery

#70(4) [+][-]
[23:54] james: nah, i don't wear buttplugs
[23:54] james: they don't make them in the right size

#64(17) [+][-]
I had to abandon my old mower, as it was just getting scary to use. It started
off as a normal flymo jobbie, but I got bored one weekend, and skimmed and
ported the head/barrel. Had to run it on avgas in the end, as the compression
was too high for the beaver p*ss laughingly sold as 'unleaded' by my local
petrol station.

I got rid of it when I carelessly ran over a housebrick with it, and it
chopped it clean in two and lobbed one half over next doors fence. Probably
would have been quite a good engine for a kart. Instead I took it to the
local tip and let the pikeys get their hands on it.

#29(11) [+][-]
Hyphen-Matt :
[1] New York second is the smallest measure of time. It is the time between
the traffic lights turning green and the car behind honking apparently...

Mark T:
I thought (according to New Scientist anyway), the shortest measure of time
is the 'Oh Sh*t' moment which, although infinitely small, allows to you to
foresee the consequences of your actions in full. It occurs, for example,
at the point when you hit the enter key after typing 'rm -R *' while logged
in as root, or at the point where you realise that however hard you hit
those brakes, you aren't going to scrub off enough speed to make the corner.

#58(-4) [+][-]
Russell Said:
> Again it's common knowledge that you like
> wearing skirts and dancing with Orb.

We take it in turns to lead. And a moderate amount of shame on you for associating recreational transvestitism with fudge packing. You'll be telling me next you've never heard of Eddie Izzard ("travesti executif").

#28(23) [+][-]
mike@tauzero.co.uk said:
>In which case, it may be that the skirt was being forced
>against the wall, giving more of a clatter than a slap.
>
>What sort of small end lubrication is there? Is it splash fed, or is
>there a channel up the conrod from the bigend?

And Mike wins the January award for the most innuendo in a Serious Bike
Posting.

rgds, 'selective editing' Alan

#78(17) [+][-]
> Not forgetting that shortly after
> DoubleU-DoubleU-Two, the Japanese had bikes such
> as the Honda "Emperors Revenge", Suzukis "You can
> laugh now American dogs, but our time will come"
> and the Kawasaki "Apple blossom petals falling
> from the sky to scorch and burn and destroy".

#65(-2) [+][-]
I'm going to get some pictures off a website and set myself up as a virtual
girlfriend. I can spend two weeks sending out saucy pictures of someone else
and sending dirty SMS messages for 30-50quid a punter! :-)

In cyberspace noone knows that the pretty blonde, sexual adventurous 16 year
old bisexual, virgin babe is a 36 year hairy fat bastard from Yorkshire! :-)

#42(4) [+][-]
There's a difference between playing a banjo well and marrying your cousin,

#53(7) [+][-]
[23:48] anyway...
[23:49] whilst we were in the shop, the guy showed us some other (more expensive) sewing machines
[23:49] They do that.
[23:49] Bastards.
[23:49] they come with compact flash and USB ports these days!
[23:49] cool
[23:49] GTFOOT!
[23:49] don't tell Ben
[23:49] i kid you not
[23:49] That's just the cooles toy!
[23:50] t
[23:50] gotta get me one of those
[23:50] i was gobsmacked
[23:50] i almost want one, too